Numbers

1- blog post with numbers
1- silly girl who is doing this on a study break
16- my favorite number...and the number of months spent with an awesome man
4- my second favorite number...and the number of months until i become a hicks
2- finals left until i graduate
7- number of runs the twins scored in the game i was at today
6- days left until i graduate and move out of my apartment
13- days until i watch him graduate
3- shifts left at the job i was blessed to have throughout college
4- pills left to take (antibiotics...that make me goofy...and drowsy...)
8- what time i have to be in class tomorrow..haven't done that since freshman year

When my mind can't study...

I clean.
When I can't focus, but want to feel accomplished,
I clean.
When I'm frustrated,
I clean.
When I'm upset,
I clean.
When I simply don't know what to do,
I clean.

I don't know if it's seeing something go from meh to yay. I don't know if it just feels good to do something mindless. I don't know what. But it's nice.

Here's to a clean kitchen and shiny wooden floors.

what inspires.

what inspires me?
 lately...i think it's failure.
i have not won the battle, but i'm still fighting.
i'm not happy with my positioning, but i'm aiming to change that.
i'm picking myself up off the ground, dusting myself off, and trying harder.

ever feel like you're at rock bottom? then you start climbing and are proud of yourself, only to get knocked back to the ground as soon as the tiniest bit of progress is made? you know what you should do. you know how to do it too. but you just...can't. you start, and you fail again. why? because you're human.

we're fighting against something bigger than ourselves. and when we put our guard down, we're vulnerable. we're easy to attack. and putting those guards back up and fighting the battle we've been trained to fight? that's hard. but it's not impossible. in fact, there's no way to lose. so, that "failure?" yeah...stop thinking of it as that. get up, keep fighting.

it's a choice.