Exhaling

One thing I have learned about my heart, is that one of the best ways to care for it, is by letting it find its way onto paper. Whether that be in a private journal, or in a letter to a friend, or on here - it is a vital part of keeping myself healthy and balanced. Oh, I have done such a terrible job of that lately. Sure, I've jotted notes down here and there - things to remember - but I have neglected to put the proper effort into bringing my thoughts to completion.

I don't remember the last time I just sat in the quietness - reflecting.

I have had so much to write about, too. Christmas. Another move. A roadtrip. Adventures in extended stay. Getting settled into our house.

I have been consumed by to-do lists and ideas that stifle my motivation to get away from the crazy and just...exhale.

Here's What I Want to Remember About: Oklahoma

Just in case you are wondering, I am sitting here in our cute little hotel room in Flagstaff, Arizona (situated at the base of a gorgeous mountain with the perfect snow-covered tip). I am watching the internet crawl slower than the last time I tried to run a mile, as I try to upload the 22 pictures I took today to Facebook – because the place we went was breathtaking and I get double enjoyment out of sharing it with others, even if the pictures don’t do the real thing justice. I am drinking Cinnamon Apple Tea (courtesy of my lovely sister-in-law), and just finished reading a lovely blog post from my inspiring and honest friend, Lindsey over at http://weareolsons.blogspot.com/. And, all of these things combined told me it was time to finish a blog post that I started weeks ago.

So much has happened in the last month - Keagan graduated and we left Oklahoma for nearly three weeks in Iowa and Minnesota. Then, we went back to Oklahoma to tie up some loose ends. Currently, we are taking our time on I-40 in the process of moving to California. Whoa. This last month has been so, very, busy, but so, very, good. I have felt incredibly at peace and incredibly blessed (even though we both don't sleep at night thanks to endless coughing and Zulu growling - she hates hearing people through the thin hotel walls). 

These are the days I want to remember, so I need to write about them before letting the memories fade away too quickly...

~~~

Here's What I Want to Remember About: Oklahoma

I want to remember pulling in the first night we got to our apartment, and seeing the sun set over the mountains that I didn't know existed.
I want to remember the first time I walked the trail behind our apartment - it was the first thing that really made me feel like Oklahoma was going to be an okay place to live.
I want to remember all of the times that I walked the trail behind our apartment - the colorful sunsets, the wildflowers, the grass, the pond...and especially how happy and healthy it kept Zulu and I.
I want to remember some really great friends that truly made Oklahoma a better place and didn't allow me to be too anti-social.
I want to remember driving around the base for the first time and seeing the landscape.
I want to remember summer/fall days at the pool and the cooler days simply walking.
I want to remember the nice weather - even though it was too hot, too windy, and too gloomy a lot of the time. The beautiful days, though, they were amazing.
I want to remember the wide open, dreamy skies that seemed to go on forever.
I want to remember the night Keagan and I went swimming at 9 PM.
I want to remember Braums ice-cream - and then I want someone to bring me some more.
I want to remember Harry Potter marathons and suppers with Carly, Lindsey, and Jax when our husbands were out in the field.
I want to remember driving up Mount Scott, The Wildlife Refuge, Wayne's Drive-Inn, some delicious (and spicy) Pad Thai, and picnicking at Sonic.
I want to remember the time Keagan and I drove down the main streets late at night, with the windows down, blaring Hunter Hayes and laughing our heads off.
I want to remember that Oklahoma was where I finally felt the most comfortable in my role.
I want to remember visits from our families.
I want to remember the feelings of freedom and accomplishment of working from home and managing my own schedule.
I want to remember that fajita recipe that we became obsessed with.
I want to remember how "close" we were to home.
I want to remember that I trained for and ran a 5K - and that Keagan got a giant trophy.
I want to remember the uncomfortable furniture that came with the apartment - because it will make me appreciate our new furniture so much more.
I want to remember Sundays at Mike's with friends.
I want to remember the time I simply needed to get out of the house and went to see Medicine Bluff - it was simple, but awe-inspiring, and exactly what I needed.
I want to remember what it was like living 6 months without most of our possessions - because things really don't matter as much as we like to think they do.
I want to remember the anniversary weekend that we spent out by the mountains in a cute little cabin (even though it rained the whole time and we set off the fire alarm while frying bacon).
I want to remember the Birthday Ball - because it was just all out fantastic.
I want to remember the 70+ year old Marine who danced like crazy in the middle of the dance floor.
I want to remember the time that our neighbors got sick of our other neighbor's annoying music and blasted Justin Bieber.
I want to remember being totally weirded out by and scared of Wheel Bugs.
I want to remember to remember - but to spend more time in the present, rather than looking forward or looking back.

Well, here's to remembering - and hoping that the internet posts this - and hoping to write again in a few days (after enjoying the Grand Canyon, of course).

Numbers

2 more days in the field for Keagan
3 more days living in Oklahoma
4 more days until we are in Iowa for Christmas
13ish more days until we are in Minnesota for Christmas
22 more days until we return to Oklahoma to finish packing and cleaning
28 more days until we arrive in California
37ish more days until we have a house - like 800 feet from the Pacific Ocean

Yep. Things are moving pretty quickly here. I have settled into the cycle that is becoming more and more familiar. Clean. Pack. Pack. And Clean. But, I try not to do too much, because I know that we still have a few days that I need to fill up appropriately. I cannot believe that five months and seven days ago we got to Oklahoma. Now, it's time to run back and forth a bit before settling in to a house that will be our home for the next three years.

Three years in one place is hard for me to fathom. Three years ago, we weren't even married yet. We weren't even engaged. In three years, we got engaged, graduated college, got married, lived in Iowa, moved to Virginia, got a dog, moved to Florida, moved to Oklahoma, and now we are moving yet again. A lot can happen in three years, and those are just the main events.

I have big ideas and dreams for the next three years. As hard as it is to say goodbye to yet another phase in our life, I love that I can still look back and be content with it. I have enjoyed every phase so far. I have met wonderful people along the way and seen many beautiful things. I love this crazy, wonderful life that gets to be ours. I have learned a lot along the way. I am ready to embrace the next phase, once again.

It's officially that time again. The time where my mind realizes that it is time to think about moving once again.

The checklists start to pile up.
It's time to tell the landlord we're leaving soon.
It's time to write meal plans to use up whatever mysterious things that have made their way to the way back crevices of the freezer and pantry.
It's that time when the dog starts to notice that something is happening and gets a little anxious.
It's that time where we still have quite a bit of time, but the checklist lover in me is getting antsy to check off all of the lovely boxes.

Getting ready mode. I like it, and I dislike it, all at the same time. But really, it's just another season to go through. A season to embrace. A season not to rush through.

~~~

I really, truly, love moving. The goodbyes and the packing? Not so much. But the anticipation of a new place, and new people, and reconnecting with other people? That gets me excited. The thought of getting in a car and driving through states I have never seen before? Also exciting.

This military lifestyle that we live has taught me a lot - and I hope it continues to. It has taught me to know when to embrace and to know when to let go. It has taught me to be okay with not knowing. It has taught me to differentiate between the things that really matter, and the things that I can live without. It has taught me to be organized, and ready, but also to wait, and be flexible.

~~~

Keagan is finishing up his last few days of BOLC (artillery school). After that, he has about a month of Marine-specific training. Then, it's most likely a visit back home for the Holidays, before driving out to California. This move will be a little different, as it is not "temporary." If all goes as planned, California will be our new home for three years. That is hard to imagine. I am excited. Excited, but also nervous that I will get restless. As always though, I can't wait to see what our next adventure holds. 

Let's not forget to tell our stories

Tonight is one of those nights where I had to force myself away from work, make myself some hot tea, and let myself just sit, and rest, and be. Last week turned out to be a very busy week, with an unexpected three day visit, ten hours away. That meant that when we returned I tried super hard to catch up on work, and unpacking, and sleep, and the dishes, and then more work. Somehow I got stuck in the rut and this week all I want to do is work, work, work. But...I just need to be.

I just need to stop chasing a goal, and remember what it feels like to breathe.

~~~

I am so, so, thankful for families and their legacies. 

I am very thankful that I married into a great family that I truly enjoy spending time with. I am extremely blessed to have parents who are willing to drive a couple of hours after their already busy workdays in order to have supper with me. My families are so worth long drives and little sleep.

~~~

I have been reading letters for a few months now - from a WWII soldier to my great-aunt. My mom has scanned them one by one and sent them in the mail to me every couple of days. She also includes pictures of my great-aunt, her fiance, and other family members. I read the letters, I look at the pictures, and I talk to my mother - all to know more about a beautiful, difficult, story that is a part of my family's past. 

I recently heard many stories about a woman in my husband's family that I never really knew, but I wish that I did. She lived a life worth remembering, and telling about. I could hear in the stories just how much she meant to her family. I learned the ways in which she passed her skills and her character on to her children, and her grandchildren.

~~~

We need to share our stories. For those who are close to us, these stories are precious. Whether it be on a blog that you share with family and friends, or letters, or simply passing stories around your families, it is important to share your stories. Even more important? Listen. Listen to the stories told by others. These are the things that we should hold on to and treasure. These are the things that matter. 

I don't like pumpkin spice, but I still love fall.

We have won the battle of the fleas! After a few too many long walks/runs in the long grass with the dog, we had a mild flea problem on our hands. But after washing every single thing imaginable, spraying everything down, vacuuming everything, and 6 days straight of Dawn baths, we have won. Take that little nasties. 

This week was also full of a Harry Potter marathon with friends (we made it to the sixth movie...), an ice-cream date, chicken fajitas, and making caramel apples.

~~~ 

The weather was cool enough today to put on a sweatshirt as I walked the dog. It was nice to feel a taste of fall, since we have still been hovering around 80-90 degrees with lots of sun. As I walked and enjoyed the crisp air, I thought about fall - my favorite season, hands down. 

For many years, I spent fall in Minnesota. Fall in Minnesota was made of leaves quickly changing color, and then falling swiftly to take on their new role of underfoot crunch-makers. It was made of fields of corn and beans slowly turning brown and then getting gobbled up by combines. It was made of running cross-country meets, watching football games, and hearing NFL games on the TV (I rarely watched, but the sound makes me nostalgic). It was made of the smell of burning leaves. It was made of thin gloves and earbands. 

Then, after getting married, I spent a fall in Iowa. It was almost the same as Minnesota, only this time I got to live on a farm. That fall was even more dreamy - newly married bliss, new adventures, and experiencing the harvest from a much closer distance. Fall in Iowa was made of walks down the gravel road surrounded by corn fields, a new job that I loved, finding excuses to linger outside, and a kitten following us around everywhere. We fell asleep to the sound of a grain dryer, and watched as the fields around our little acreage disappeared row by row. Oh, and it was kind of dusty, but still pretty dreamy.

The next fall, we were in Virginia. Fall came late in Virginia. The temperatures stayed steady for a long, long, time, but when fall came, it was gorgeous. The dropping temperatures were a welcome relief that called me to walk longer, breathe deeper, and enjoy more fully. Fall in Virginia was made of long hours for Keagan, and many quiet nights with candles, books, and blankets for me. Fall was a constant supply of Rolos in a mason jar on the counter. Fall was gorgeous – leaves of every color that hung on well through November. Fall was rare trips into D.C. and one of my favorite weekends ever – soaking in the incredible, breathtaking beauty at Great Falls. Fall was a season of tiredness – and pushing through the end of Keagan’s training. Fall was finding a way for me to keep busy, by trying dozens of new, cozy, recipes

Fall in Oklahoma, seems just a bit different. Maybe it’s because it isn’t quite here yet, but I still have high hopes for it. Maybe this fall will be for staying tanner longer, keeping patio doors open all weekend, and caramel apples with friends. Maybe we’ll have ice-cream dates instead of apple cider for awhile. Maybe the leaves won’t change until November. But maybe, that’ll be okay. It’s easy for me to see pictures of the world back “home.” Falling leaves and fields slowly disappearing row by row, kind of make me homesick. But every fall I’ve enjoyed so far has been just as wonderful in its own way. So, if fall doesn’t come in full splendor here, I think it’ll still be okay. Because this fall, might be for something different. 

Oklahoma

We are already over halfway through our time here in Oklahoma. I don't blog as much anymore, and the other day I realized that I kind of miss it. Some sweet friends asked me about it too ;) Writing is good for me. It helps me process and allows me to share - even if I sometimes feel a little insecure about it. Writing also helps me remember, and I want to be present and mindful enough to slow down, and record memories rather than rushing through the day to day business. So, I am going to try to do it more regularly again. A lot has happened since I last wrote, so this post will be a bit of a dumping-everything-out post.... (I warned you)

Oklahoma has been so good to us. Despite all of the negative things people told us before we got here, we have truly felt comfortable here.

Lawton is a small, unexciting town, but it kind of feels like home. We are typically homebodies anyways, so the fact that there's not much excitement out in town is not a big deal to us.

Closer to home than we have been/probably ever will be as long as Keagan is in the military. Having family visit a few times has been so fun.

The weather is...well...getting better. Up until a week ago, the weather was 100+ every.single.day. Now, the mornings and evenings are getting cooler, but I definitely don't feel like it is fall yet.

The people are incredible. Two other Marine wives live right by me and we have spent many days at the pool, going for walks, laughing, and enjoying good food. I am thankful for how kind, friendly, and accepting they are.

The adventures are endless. We have stepped out of our comfort zone more here than past places, and it has been good.

The walks behind our complex make my heart happy. I have spent nearly every evening walking Zulu as the sun sets behind the mountains. They are definitely one of the things I will miss the most.

Running? I can't believe I am doing it again, but I am. Keagan and I ran a 5K together, so I had a goal to reach. I thought I would stop after that, but I feel good about doing it again!

Working while sitting on my couch, or at the desk, or on the porch - anywhere I want. I love it. It's the best. It's not my dream job, but I love the lifestyle it allows me to have while also working!

The skies are so incredibly dreamy. I can't get enough. At all.

The full sized bed...is the ONE thing I am sooooo ready to be done with. Rental furniture kind of gets old. We want our bed back.

Reading lots and lots of books. Maybe I will tell you about them soon.

Balance is something I have been working on a lot and enjoying a lot. I have learned a lot about myself in the past few months and I am feeling good. Very good.

The first post after a break is always the hardest to get out. Here's to attempting to get back on the blogging train. :)