Normal, everyday Hannah

So I've decided: if I ever have a real blog that people read, I'm still going to write about normal things. Things that happen everyday. Things that might be embarrassing or not up-to-par in blog-land. Things that are just...life.

Take today for instance.
I made oatmeal caramel bars.
I spilled brown sugar all over the counter while trying to measure it.
I put too much caramel in them.
I used flour and sugar and TONS of butter. Totally healthy. Right?
They were under cooked.
But after it was all said and done...(and they were refrigerated for quite awhile)...they were absolutely delicious.
Not ashamed.

I also started to take a card table out of the storage closet so I could use it to address envelopes for the wedding invitations.
One table leg fell down.
I tripped over it.
In the midst of trying not to fall over, the table fell hard against my foot.
Totally graceful. Totally bruised.
And afterwards...I addressed and stuffed like crazy with Dr. Quinn the Medicine Woman playing in the background.
Spectacular.

I also tried a completely new combination for supper tonight.
I spent awhile chopping and frying and adding.
Totally botched it.
Still ate it.

Those things are life. And in Hannah's life...they're pretty common. And you know what? I don't mind that they aren't something to brag about. They happen. They make me laugh at the lightness of life. And life is still good. Very good.

And now, enjoy this (non-artistic and non-professional) picture of two adorable calves I visited this weekend.

virginia

someday i will see you.
sometimes it makes me nervous,
but sometimes i'm so ready for the adventure.

right now...i'm hoping you come soon.

bits and pieces.

i have about six 'drafts' of posts just sitting on my post list. but that's kind of what life has been like lately. there are interesting things to say, or important things to say...but they kind of just stay there. i leave them there, jot them down, and hope to expand on them eventually. but, i never really get there. and i think that's okay? i mean, this blog isn't really for show and tell...it's kind of just me writing and whoever wants to take a gander can. but i'm not promoting it anywhere and i kind of keep it hidden. so seeing those unpublished posts still makes me think...even if they never get published. and it helps me sort out my thoughts when i jot them down- even if i haven't been able to expand on them yet. i guess that's what writing is for me. it's not show and tell. it's just letting my thoughts flow, even if they are incomplete. some may stay that way. some may eventually show up here. but for now, just doesn't really matter.

what have i been up to? well...i moved home ten days ago to a house packed with family. for the first time in forever, all four of us kids are living at home. i also was blessed to have a job working at the school in town for two weeks, so i've been keeping pretty busy. never mind the fact that i haven't unpacked yet (it's difficult moving everything from my apartment into a 10 x 12 room that i share with my little sister), but working with elementary kids is highly entertaining- and kind of intriguing. it's tiring waking up way earlier than i have in a very long time- but realizing this job was god-given and a blessing makes it much easier. i'm thankful. i spent the weekend meeting keagan's relatives from new mexico- and we had SO much fun. guns, graduation, works bombs, campfires, twins game, etc. it was one of the best weekends i've had in as long as i can remember. this week it was back to working at the pool and the school (confusing kids who don't know whether to call me hannah, or miss hildebrandt...). i'm almost unpacked and enjoying life.

life is a blessing- even when things are hard, busy, etc..and i'm realizing that more and more.

Numbers

1- blog post with numbers
1- silly girl who is doing this on a study break
16- my favorite number...and the number of months spent with an awesome man
4- my second favorite number...and the number of months until i become a hicks
2- finals left until i graduate
7- number of runs the twins scored in the game i was at today
6- days left until i graduate and move out of my apartment
13- days until i watch him graduate
3- shifts left at the job i was blessed to have throughout college
4- pills left to take (antibiotics...that make me goofy...and drowsy...)
8- what time i have to be in class tomorrow..haven't done that since freshman year

When my mind can't study...

I clean.
When I can't focus, but want to feel accomplished,
I clean.
When I'm frustrated,
I clean.
When I'm upset,
I clean.
When I simply don't know what to do,
I clean.

I don't know if it's seeing something go from meh to yay. I don't know if it just feels good to do something mindless. I don't know what. But it's nice.

Here's to a clean kitchen and shiny wooden floors.

what inspires.

what inspires me?
 lately...i think it's failure.
i have not won the battle, but i'm still fighting.
i'm not happy with my positioning, but i'm aiming to change that.
i'm picking myself up off the ground, dusting myself off, and trying harder.

ever feel like you're at rock bottom? then you start climbing and are proud of yourself, only to get knocked back to the ground as soon as the tiniest bit of progress is made? you know what you should do. you know how to do it too. but you just...can't. you start, and you fail again. why? because you're human.

we're fighting against something bigger than ourselves. and when we put our guard down, we're vulnerable. we're easy to attack. and putting those guards back up and fighting the battle we've been trained to fight? that's hard. but it's not impossible. in fact, there's no way to lose. so, that "failure?" yeah...stop thinking of it as that. get up, keep fighting.

it's a choice.

Choose one.

Sometimes I feel like it's choose one:

1. School.

2. Social Life.

3. Sleep.

4. Wedding Planning.

5. Anything else.

Sometimes I feel like just screaming: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, I let my frustrations out on the internet.

Sometimes...it works.