One big thing I've learned since being a military-spouse? Other military spouses are incredible. I can't tell you how many times I've stumbled upon a great article or blog post, or had someone reach out to me and lead me forward a little bit on this journey. I was once told that the military, especially the Marine Corps, is like a giant family- they look out for each other. It's so true.
That being said, I hope I can pass on what I think I've learned so far.
Disclaimer- I don't know how qualified I am to be giving this advice. Afterall, Keagan only went active this week. I've been a military girlfriend/spouse for a couple of years, but we haven't done a whole lot yet. Still, I know I have benefitted from any little bit of opinion or advice that I happened to stumble upon, and I have learned a little in my recent adventures. So I'm going to do this in hopes that someday someone might stumble upon this and at least take away a little tidbit from it. I hope someone does find it, because it would be nice to know someone else out there who is also in the beginning stages of military-adventuring.
And, hey, maybe you're not in the military. Maybe you're just starting something new, moving across the country (or an hour away), or maybe you're just trying to figure out how to adjust to new situations in your life. Whatever situation you're in, hopefully you can relate to this.
1. Not all advice will be what's best for you. This one? Yeah...it's the most important one. It's kind of silly that I'm telling you this, right as I'm about to spout into a Hannah-advice session. But really, advice is important. You can learn so much from someone else's experiences. That said, no one else is in the exact same situation with the exact same personality as you, your spouse, and your family. What might work for one super-blogger, might not be the best, or most positive experience for you. Trying to squeeze yourself into a box you don't fit in (no matter how pretty it looks), just won't work.Try new things, but if they aren't working, adapt and adjust.
2. Do your research, but don't be afraid to ask for help. There are so many resources out there. The internet has made the quest so much easier, but sometimes it's hard to know where to start looking. When I first started dating Keagan, I knew that a future in the Marine Corps was going to be a for-sure thing if we kept dating. So, I reached out to a Marine Corps wife that I knew, and she gave me book titles, websites, and resources galore. As we got closer to our first cross-country move, I used the resources she gave me, as well as spouse forums, base websites, and online articles. I felt very well-prepared to move across country and to have all the proper tasks done before we even left. That said, sometimes you reach a dead-end. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Not everyone has it all figured out, and you should never be embarrassed to ask any question (or even admit that you don't know where to start). We were all where you were once, and we asked too. In fact, I'm still asking.
3. Take an interest. Shortly after we started dating, Keagan basically told me that if I don't see a future with the Marine Corps, then we should not continue to date. I was so thankful for how upfront he was. From the start, I took a big interest in the Marines, and I believe it has made a huge difference in our relationship, Keagan's views of his future, and our marriage. I read books, learned as much as I could, flew across the country for his graduation from OCS, and asked him a million and one questions. The more interest you take in your guy's future plans, the more you will be prepared (and excited) to walk beside him as you grow. You will be better able to relate to him and he will feel like you are a part of his journey, rather than having to constantly explain things to you. You will feel like you're a part of the journey too, not just following him around from place to place. Also, I can't tell you how much pride it instilled in me, for what my husband would be doing and what all Marines and military personnel have done in the past. It's one of the best things you can do for you and your guy- be interested in the same thing, and have a sense of pride for his decision.
4. View it as an adventure. The sooner you do this, the better. Military life can be intimidating and stressful. You're going to move across the country and out of your comfort zone. But why be upset and worried about it? You get the chance to see places many people will never see. You get a taste of many different places and lifestyles. There are many things the military life offers that you'll never regret. You get to have an incredible adventure and do a lot of things no one else gets to do. So call it that. View it as that. It will transform your thinking and attitude.
5. Know that you can do this. Seriously, you can. There may be times where you feel like you're in over your head or you have no idea where to start. Don't take yourself or your mistakes too seriously. You'll learn as you go, especially if you do your research. If you make a mistake or something doesn't go as well as it could have, learn from that and adjust for next time.When you think you can't do something, remind yourself that you can. Even if it's difficult, you'll get through it and be amazing.Sometimes you have to pep-talk yourself.
6. Do what you can, be patient with the rest. When you're preparing to move, etc., there are things that you can take care of far ahead of time, and there are things you can't do until you get there...or later. So, make a list of what has to be done. If you can do it (even if it feels like it can wait), do it! The more that you get done ahead of time, the more time you have to deal with unexpected tasks and other time-consuming things later. Don't stress out about what you can't do. Just be patient, know it will get done when it should, and go from there.It also helps to prioritize.
7. Pass it on. You're going to learn a ton. Remember the people who helped you along the way, or even just reached out and said, "hey, I'm here if you ever need me!" You may not ever need them, but it's such a good feeling to know that there are people out there that you can go to for help or advice. Now, pass it along to someone else. Let them know you're there. Let them know what you learned. It makes such a difference.
*Bonus tip: Don't stress the small stuff. Maybe you spent a lot of time on a delicious meal for supper because you thought he was going to be home at 1830, but then he wasn't released until 2200 and didn't get to enjoy it. Yeah, that just happened to me. :) Oh well. It's a bummer, yeah, but it's not the end of the world.
P.S. If anyone wants me to pass along some resources, I'd love to! Just leave a comment or email me. hannah.b.hicks@gmail.com
And, hey, maybe you're not in the military. Maybe you're just starting something new, moving across the country (or an hour away), or maybe you're just trying to figure out how to adjust to new situations in your life. Whatever situation you're in, hopefully you can relate to this.
1. Not all advice will be what's best for you. This one? Yeah...it's the most important one. It's kind of silly that I'm telling you this, right as I'm about to spout into a Hannah-advice session. But really, advice is important. You can learn so much from someone else's experiences. That said, no one else is in the exact same situation with the exact same personality as you, your spouse, and your family. What might work for one super-blogger, might not be the best, or most positive experience for you. Trying to squeeze yourself into a box you don't fit in (no matter how pretty it looks), just won't work.Try new things, but if they aren't working, adapt and adjust.
2. Do your research, but don't be afraid to ask for help. There are so many resources out there. The internet has made the quest so much easier, but sometimes it's hard to know where to start looking. When I first started dating Keagan, I knew that a future in the Marine Corps was going to be a for-sure thing if we kept dating. So, I reached out to a Marine Corps wife that I knew, and she gave me book titles, websites, and resources galore. As we got closer to our first cross-country move, I used the resources she gave me, as well as spouse forums, base websites, and online articles. I felt very well-prepared to move across country and to have all the proper tasks done before we even left. That said, sometimes you reach a dead-end. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Not everyone has it all figured out, and you should never be embarrassed to ask any question (or even admit that you don't know where to start). We were all where you were once, and we asked too. In fact, I'm still asking.
3. Take an interest. Shortly after we started dating, Keagan basically told me that if I don't see a future with the Marine Corps, then we should not continue to date. I was so thankful for how upfront he was. From the start, I took a big interest in the Marines, and I believe it has made a huge difference in our relationship, Keagan's views of his future, and our marriage. I read books, learned as much as I could, flew across the country for his graduation from OCS, and asked him a million and one questions. The more interest you take in your guy's future plans, the more you will be prepared (and excited) to walk beside him as you grow. You will be better able to relate to him and he will feel like you are a part of his journey, rather than having to constantly explain things to you. You will feel like you're a part of the journey too, not just following him around from place to place. Also, I can't tell you how much pride it instilled in me, for what my husband would be doing and what all Marines and military personnel have done in the past. It's one of the best things you can do for you and your guy- be interested in the same thing, and have a sense of pride for his decision.
4. View it as an adventure. The sooner you do this, the better. Military life can be intimidating and stressful. You're going to move across the country and out of your comfort zone. But why be upset and worried about it? You get the chance to see places many people will never see. You get a taste of many different places and lifestyles. There are many things the military life offers that you'll never regret. You get to have an incredible adventure and do a lot of things no one else gets to do. So call it that. View it as that. It will transform your thinking and attitude.
5. Know that you can do this. Seriously, you can. There may be times where you feel like you're in over your head or you have no idea where to start. Don't take yourself or your mistakes too seriously. You'll learn as you go, especially if you do your research. If you make a mistake or something doesn't go as well as it could have, learn from that and adjust for next time.When you think you can't do something, remind yourself that you can. Even if it's difficult, you'll get through it and be amazing.Sometimes you have to pep-talk yourself.
6. Do what you can, be patient with the rest. When you're preparing to move, etc., there are things that you can take care of far ahead of time, and there are things you can't do until you get there...or later. So, make a list of what has to be done. If you can do it (even if it feels like it can wait), do it! The more that you get done ahead of time, the more time you have to deal with unexpected tasks and other time-consuming things later. Don't stress out about what you can't do. Just be patient, know it will get done when it should, and go from there.It also helps to prioritize.
7. Pass it on. You're going to learn a ton. Remember the people who helped you along the way, or even just reached out and said, "hey, I'm here if you ever need me!" You may not ever need them, but it's such a good feeling to know that there are people out there that you can go to for help or advice. Now, pass it along to someone else. Let them know you're there. Let them know what you learned. It makes such a difference.
*Bonus tip: Don't stress the small stuff. Maybe you spent a lot of time on a delicious meal for supper because you thought he was going to be home at 1830, but then he wasn't released until 2200 and didn't get to enjoy it. Yeah, that just happened to me. :) Oh well. It's a bummer, yeah, but it's not the end of the world.
P.S. If anyone wants me to pass along some resources, I'd love to! Just leave a comment or email me. hannah.b.hicks@gmail.com
