Get Engaged When You're 23...Or Don't.

If you have any Facebook friends around 20-25 years old, you've no doubt seen this post 23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You're 23 being passed around. And then, you saw a few counter-posts explaining why getting married at a young age is awesome. And then...you got sick of seeing it all.

Honestly, I'm tired of hearing how getting married young is a mistake and on the other side, how waiting to get married and settle down is stupid. Are we really that shallow that we have to ridicule others for their relationship status? Each and every relationship (and person) is very different, marriage is a huge decision, and we don't need to throw labels on each other based on that. For some, getting married young is the answer. For others, there's nothing wrong with waiting. The right thing to do is not universal.

When we got married, I was 21 and Keagan was 22. We heard our fair share of negative and positive comments, which was totally weird. I never expected my peers to flat out tell me I was "stupid" and "wasting my life." Honestly, at times I felt very self-conscious about getting married young. I had to remind myself to focus on the encouragement from friends and family and the reasons why we decided to marry when we did.

In regards to some of the comments in the article, our marriage was not a cop-out. It was a decision that we took very seriously. I met the guy that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, we sat down and talked about the future, and came up with a plan that benefited our future together, not our lives separately. That's what we wanted. We both knew that Keagan would soon move across the country for the Marines and I was not interested in spending years living across the country from each other until we reached the "Proper Age to Marry." Would we have been fine waiting to get married? Yes, probably. Am I glad we got married when we did? Absolutely! I would have missed out on an important part of my husband's life and those years apart are something I would have hated to waste. And Vanessa, I'm not hiding behind a significant other instead of dealing with life's highs and lows on my own. If I hadn't gotten married when I did, you know what I'd be doing? I'd be finishing up my second year of grad school for a career that I wasn't passionate about. I'd be living comfortably in my home state, not taking any risks. Because we got married, I had to give up a "plan" that I had originally created to keep me comfortable. Because we got married, we came up with a new plan and now I've lived in 4 states in the past two years. I've learned that things I once valued and based my worth off of were unbalanced. I'm still learning who I am and what my dreams are, and probably will continue doing that for the rest of my life. And you know what? That's okay. I've got someone who is committed to that journey with me for the rest of our lives. That's one of the best things I could ever imagine. It's what I needed and what worked for us.

That was our situation. That might not be everyone's situation. And that's okay. Get married before 23. Or don't. Make that decision and don't think that your decision is the only one.

6 Months

Tonight, I'm blogging by lamplight while sitting on the bench at the end of our bed. It's my first night in this house alone. Keagan is away visiting some friends. It's strange- peaceful and quiet, but something just doesn't seem right. The humidifier humming in the background isn't quite as nice as my husband's voice, but it'll do...for tonight.

~~~

Before I was married (or even engaged, for that matter), a group of us got into a conversation about sleeping habits. When I mentioned I always, always, have to have my arms wrapped around a blanket or pillow of some sort, they laughed and told me I was going to be really great at sleep-cuddling with my spouse someday.

They were wrong.

Turns out whatever I choose to wrap in my arms has to be able to be molded, squished, squashed, bent, twisted, turned, and fit into exactly what form I want it to be in. I'm not so great at sleep-cuddling. It's probably lucky for him, too. Space is nice. Sleep is nice. Cuddling can happen another time.

Luckily, the molding, squishing, squashing, etc. has not transferred into other areas of our marriage, yet.

~~~

Friday marked our six-month anniversary of getting married. I think it's kind of funny how newlyweds tend to celebrate the six-month mark like it's some sort of huge accomplishment. It's supposed to have some sort of big significance, I guess. But honestly? Six months flew by. Maybe our rose-colored glasses haven't faded yet, but these six months have been so natural, so smooth, so...right.

I am amazed at how normal and natural it seems. I can't even begin to tell you how lucky I feel to come home from work to my best-friend- someone I can talk with, laugh with, and be incredibly goofy with. I've never had someone so interested in me before- who I am, what I do, what I want to do, all of it. It is beyond comforting to lie down next to someone, to wake up, to go to work, and to anxiously await spending the evening together. I feel blessed beyond belief.

Somehow, it's felt so easy to include another life with mine. It's wonderful to have someone to cook next to, eat with, sit on the couch with, walk with, run with, make faces with, and simply just be in the same room with. He is the easiest person in the world to get along with (at least for me), and I feel like I've had the simplest 6 months of my life.

~~~

We were both just...ready...to start our lives together. After the years of dating long-distance, it is so much more natural and easy to be living under the same roof and getting to experience each others' lives face-to-face.

Don't get me wrong, these six months haven't been perfect. They have been good, but not perfect. It's really easy (at least for me) to look at something you're on the outside of, and see it as perfect, or highly desirable. I hope my 'marriage-bliss talk' doesn't make you feel like we have some sort of strange thing that you'll never get a chance to grasp onto or experience. We certainly aren't perfect, but we work well together. Our marriage is the best that it can be for us and for where we're at. This just feels like it is simply how it is supposed to be.

~~~

Oddly enough, we celebrated our 6-month anniversary in sickness and in health. I was the sick one, Keagan was the healthy one. We were excited to spend Friday night eating out and watching movies before heading our separate ways on Saturday, but my body said otherwise. Instead, I slept for a few hours after work, as Keagan patiently awaited me waking up to half-watch a few episodes of our favorite shows before I fell back asleep again.Turns out a simple sore throat can really throw a girl to the ground for a few days.

Maybe that's okay, though. Maybe six months doesn't have to be a big, significant, celebration. Every day is a sort of celebration in itself- of friendship, companionship, and feeling like we've settled into something wonderful. That's what six-months have been so far. Nothing earth-shattering, nothing with deep-meaning or full of knowledge and experience. Just...right. Pleasant, enjoyable, and right.

The freezing rain/snow mix is pelting my window rhythmically. I guess that's my signal to drift off to sleep...

Okay. It's time for honesty and a story.

This blog is probably going to be more entertaining to the female crew than the male crew.
This blog is probably going to be more interesting to read if you're a close friend, than anyone else.
This blog is probably going to be cheesy and lame.

Just how I like it.
If you think it's weird...you don't have to read it. :)

Today I was thinking about writing a post, but kept hesitating because I couldn't stop thinking about what people were going to think of it.

Pssh. Over it. I'm typing what I want to, because I can.

One year ago (yesterday), something pretty significant happened. I was planning for a long weekend with my boyfriend (now husband). I had been anxiously and nervously awaiting that weekend, because I had a strange inkling that something significant might happen. I deliberately sorted through my closet only for the cutest outfits, because I had a feeling a few pictures might be taken. I overpacked my bags- my duffel with clothes, hair supplies, and make-up, my backpack with my laptop, too many textbooks, and notebooks (darn senior year of college)- and then hit the road. From Mankato, MN to Orange City, IA, I drove on the quiet roads.

That night was a good night. I picked Keagan up at his dorm and saw him walking towards my car with a smirk he tried so hard to hide, but couldn't.We ate Chinese for lunch, went back to his dorm, and wasted a lot of time. We had Mexican for supper, went back to his dorm, and wasted a lot of time. Finally, midnight rolled around. We had a tradition of walking downtown to the bakery for fresh donuts- the same bakery of our first date. There is a gazebo tower next to the bakery that we usually climbed up to talk and enjoy our donuts- I always picked glazed, he had to have the apple fritter. The gazebo tower was boarded up, but the plans still worked. We got engaged that night.

Thanks to a campus with closed dorm hours, I couldn't go back in Keagan's dorm, but we didn't want to call it a night yet. So, we sat in my cold car until 3 in the morning, just talking about what would be next. Then, he walked me to my cousin's dorm, where I would stay for the night. My cousin, who has also been one of my best friends since childhood, and I stayed up so long just talking about wonderful things.

It was one of the best nights ever.

The next few months were good- really good. But they were also filled with a lot of anxiety for me. There was a lot to think about with both of us finishing up our college degrees and planning a wedding. We thought we might be moving as early as October, so that meant a September wedding, or else. There were a lot of great moments- marveling at how well everything was coming together, but also getting mad at each other over silly things like centerpieces and bridesmaids dresses. There was disappointment over visiting the perfect venue (at a farm, with a beautiful house to stay in) and not being able to book it, but contentment over our second choice.

We got annoyed with wedding planning- and each other. It wasn't a picture perfect fairytale, but it was good. It was challenging. It taught us more about each other (our faults, and our strengths). It brought us closer together as we tried to put together a day that celebrated us and our different styles. So much was happening.

It drove us crazy, but it was beautiful.

And now, 5 months into marriage, the same things are happening. It's not always perfect, but it is good. Really good. We are learning how to put things together in our style- two that are very different at times. But as I look back on this last year, I remember all the little moments. The things that made me smile. The things that made it significant. I know I will look back with the same happiness I am now- at an imperfect, but wonderful journey.