June 27th

Heads up to probably the only one who reads this (and is a guy). This will be a girlier post than my usuals. Therefore, bear with me a moment while I pretend I have an audience. :)



Life is strange.
I've been revisiting old memories, as well as looking forward to new moments
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I've spent the last couple of days sorting through old boxes after work. Due to my upcoming marriage, and earlier upcoming room switch-up happening, I've been sorting through/throwing away old stuff. Wow. How things have changed. In between silly notes written back and forth and journal posts/notes jotted everywhere...I can't believe how "hard" Jr. high was. It's weird thinking back to those days when everything was such a big deal. It's humorous, in a way, to reminisce about old crushes that were the biggest deal in the world, fights with friends, and insecurities about the silliest things. Wow! Who was that girl?? And all the high school memorabilia? It meant so much to me back then. And yes, there are some really, really, good memories there. But in the grand scheme of things...I've really changed.Those things are no longer as important. And for the first time in years...I'm really okay with that and letting go.

Fast forward to now. I wonder what things that I worry about now will seem so silly in the future. Will I laugh about how much I worried about decorations for our wedding? Will I snicker at the honest-to-goodness insecurity I feel about learning how to do make-up for my wedding?? Will I look back and wonder why in the world I spent so much time thinking about whether or not I picked out the right dresses, location, music, anything? (Okay..I'm kind of already at that point). But really. If any of my  imaginary readers are out there actually reading...please tell me I'm not alone in worrying about such things--and then tell me to stop. :)

On another note...
I should add another disclaimer. I never promised this post would be organized. It's getting pretty random...
The Lord is teaching me so much. lately. The last couple of days he's spoken to me a couple of things.
1. Wake up with an intention to praise him. My alarm buzzed at 5:15...I really didn't want to crawl out of bed. But then, I thought, "You know, I'm blessed to have this job. So blessed." The more I thought that, the more my heart changed. Lord, I mean it. I'm so thankful. You have blessed me, and I will enjoy every second you've given me (and my ability) to work.
2. Cast your cares onto him- he carries them. For real. Last night I was up late, running through my never-ending checklist in my head. It was intense. I was stressing. I knew I needed to sleep, but I didn't want to because I had so much to think about. But then...bam. He put on my heart- "Give me your concerns. They will be taken care of. Rest. Trust me, and rest." A couple minutes of prayer later...I slept like a baby. Not a care in the world that I had to bear.
You guys...God is good. So good. Let him teach you...and change you.

Goodnight,
Hannah

Life lately

Relief - visiting the lady who i heard can help decorate our wedding venue...and finding out that she not only fits the style we want, but also does wedding cakes and flowers. what? so much checked off the checklist.

Joy - seeing my sister get married to her perfect match. she was so peaceful and happy. it was good day. a really good day.

Energy - alternating dancing with my best friends from high school and the man. so fun. yes, i did say dancing was fun. that is so unlike me. but it was. it was a blast, in fact.

Food - eating so many things at the town's celebration. it just isn't pow wow without a burger and onions, a pow wow pup, authentic egg rolls, a milkshake, and a snow cone. gotta eat it all.

Patience - waiting to start a job that i was hoping to start a month ago. hmm...

Cold - what i feel everyday for a few hours in the pool before rushing home and taking that essential long, hot, shower.

Missing - a retainer, a brand new tank top, and camp. yes, camp. it's what i did the past two summers...all summer long. i miss it. working in the kitchen all day, lifeguarding in the afternoon, and relaxing with the staff. it was go, go, go, but it was the best.

Embracing - a new type of summer. one with many things to be thankful for.

Relaxation - what i have to force myself to do. i seriously could work on things all day, guys. but i'd rather not get burnt out. so, hannah: stop doing stuff, sit, and enjoy some rest.

20 Things I Learned In College

1. A state-school was the right fit for me.
2. I study by writing information down over and over and over.
3. Make friends in your classes from the start...it's harder later on.
4. I do not learn well by reading.
5. Buy dorky rainboots. Wear them with pride.
6. Find a balance between sleeping enough and having fun. Get sleep whenever you can. Avoiding sleep for a few crazy adventures is good (and memorable), but one too many will get you in trouble.
7. Don't study where you sleep and relax. It works for awhile...but you'll get in a rut.
8. Write down verses you need to be reminded of and hang them up in places you'll see often.
9. Pilot G-2 pens. There's no other way.

10. Find where you excel- and rest there. Don't compare yourself to things or people you aren't meant to be.
11. Don't go home between classes. Bring your homework, pack a lunch, and be productive.
12. Escala (on Pandora) is the best study station. It's also a great station to motivate you to beat your roommate's high score in Robot Unicorn Attack. ;)
13. Prioritize- if you only need 70% on a test to get an "A" in the class, but need a 90% in another class...study hard for that one and just enough for the other.
14. You're not a (fill in the blank). You're you.
15. Reading (for fun) before bed = sanity and necessary relaxation.
16. Things mean more at night. Go to bed rather than staying up thinking about things.
17. Get a job. Have a reason to go to it and enjoy it.
18. Get outside. Walk. Run. Read. Just do it.
19. Don't get stuck in a set plan. Be open to new ideas, new direction, and know that your major is most likely not going to be your life. You are going to feel like you have no idea what you're doing...be okay with that.
20. Let yourself grow and choose to live with joy...no matter what.

Live with Intentional Joy

So...I've been keeping a journal for awhile now. It's not a normal journal. I don't jot everyday occurrences or anything like that. I jot thoughts. Mostly negative ones. It's how I get them out, sort them out, and somehow turn them into constructive thoughts. If you ever find my journal (like that'll happen..), please don't think I'm a super negative person. I'm not one because all the negativity gets left in that journal. Usually.

It's not just my dump journal though. I write down verses and lines of my devotionals that I don't want to forget. It's a way for me to remember them easier. If I think of them later, but can't quite remember..I pull out the journal.

I write life lessons I've learned, and notes on my spiritual journey (which is so far from over).

Going back and reading the journal is fun sometimes. It's revealing. It helps me grow. It reminds me of truths and challenges that have been overcome. Every now and then, I find just what I need. And today, it was this.

Live with intentional joy.


Whoa. I wrote that in March in the midst of a very busy, very stressful semester. I was in the middle of school, work, comparing myself to others, worrying about others, etc. etc. Each day was hard to wake up, get through and actually enjoy. I wondered at that point...where is my joy? Why don't I have it? Well one day I discovered: joy isn't something you're given. It's something you choose to have. The Lord has given us so many things to be thankful for, but it is our choice whether or not we will be joyful about them.

I'm not saying I have accomplished this attitude. Not even close. And maybe I'm way off with it. I don't know. Until today, I kinda let it escape my  mind. But that's why I love this journal. It reminds me of where I've been, where I'm going, and how to live. I'll never get it 100% right. But as many days as I remember, I hope to live with intentional joy.

Normal, everyday Hannah

So I've decided: if I ever have a real blog that people read, I'm still going to write about normal things. Things that happen everyday. Things that might be embarrassing or not up-to-par in blog-land. Things that are just...life.

Take today for instance.
I made oatmeal caramel bars.
I spilled brown sugar all over the counter while trying to measure it.
I put too much caramel in them.
I used flour and sugar and TONS of butter. Totally healthy. Right?
They were under cooked.
But after it was all said and done...(and they were refrigerated for quite awhile)...they were absolutely delicious.
Not ashamed.

I also started to take a card table out of the storage closet so I could use it to address envelopes for the wedding invitations.
One table leg fell down.
I tripped over it.
In the midst of trying not to fall over, the table fell hard against my foot.
Totally graceful. Totally bruised.
And afterwards...I addressed and stuffed like crazy with Dr. Quinn the Medicine Woman playing in the background.
Spectacular.

I also tried a completely new combination for supper tonight.
I spent awhile chopping and frying and adding.
Totally botched it.
Still ate it.

Those things are life. And in Hannah's life...they're pretty common. And you know what? I don't mind that they aren't something to brag about. They happen. They make me laugh at the lightness of life. And life is still good. Very good.

And now, enjoy this (non-artistic and non-professional) picture of two adorable calves I visited this weekend.

virginia

someday i will see you.
sometimes it makes me nervous,
but sometimes i'm so ready for the adventure.

right now...i'm hoping you come soon.

bits and pieces.

i have about six 'drafts' of posts just sitting on my post list. but that's kind of what life has been like lately. there are interesting things to say, or important things to say...but they kind of just stay there. i leave them there, jot them down, and hope to expand on them eventually. but, i never really get there. and i think that's okay? i mean, this blog isn't really for show and tell...it's kind of just me writing and whoever wants to take a gander can. but i'm not promoting it anywhere and i kind of keep it hidden. so seeing those unpublished posts still makes me think...even if they never get published. and it helps me sort out my thoughts when i jot them down- even if i haven't been able to expand on them yet. i guess that's what writing is for me. it's not show and tell. it's just letting my thoughts flow, even if they are incomplete. some may stay that way. some may eventually show up here. but for now, just doesn't really matter.

what have i been up to? well...i moved home ten days ago to a house packed with family. for the first time in forever, all four of us kids are living at home. i also was blessed to have a job working at the school in town for two weeks, so i've been keeping pretty busy. never mind the fact that i haven't unpacked yet (it's difficult moving everything from my apartment into a 10 x 12 room that i share with my little sister), but working with elementary kids is highly entertaining- and kind of intriguing. it's tiring waking up way earlier than i have in a very long time- but realizing this job was god-given and a blessing makes it much easier. i'm thankful. i spent the weekend meeting keagan's relatives from new mexico- and we had SO much fun. guns, graduation, works bombs, campfires, twins game, etc. it was one of the best weekends i've had in as long as i can remember. this week it was back to working at the pool and the school (confusing kids who don't know whether to call me hannah, or miss hildebrandt...). i'm almost unpacked and enjoying life.

life is a blessing- even when things are hard, busy, etc..and i'm realizing that more and more.