Choose one.

Sometimes I feel like it's choose one:

1. School.

2. Social Life.

3. Sleep.

4. Wedding Planning.

5. Anything else.

Sometimes I feel like just screaming: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, I let my frustrations out on the internet.

Sometimes...it works.

Go Outside

Go outside. Now. Just do it. Bring a blanket, a book, and a pair of sunglasses to block the sun. Yes, the sun. It's warm, but gets a little chilly when the sun's behind the clouds. There's no bugs- just a soft, glorious breeze. Read for awhile, lay and think for awhile, write for awhile, and then go inside, grab the running shoes and go for a run. Finish it off with a tall glass of water and then freshen up for work. Or, wherever you're going. Do it. I dare you.

March 13th

My boss said something to the new staff last night that didn't really mean anything to me, until this morning.

"Have a reason for everything you do. If you don't have one, discover one. Because if you don't have a reason for what you do...you won't apply yourself, enjoy yourself, or do what is necessary to succeed."

Have a reason for everything-- getting up in the morning, going to class, doing homework, checking piddly tasks off the to-do list, going to work, exercising, getting to sleep on time, eating right, etc. Have a reason for it. Otherwise, you just won't do it. Even if you do, you'll waste your time and energy along with someone's else's.

filtered lives.

the moment i lie down to sleep at night, the thoughts start running. it rarely fails. the business of the day stops and i finally halt activity and my brain kicks in and says, ''now is the time to think of everything!" it's kind of an unfortunate situation. but sometimes, it's enlightening. 

anyways. that's what is happening tonight. i was lying here, ready to sleep, and boom. thoughts. flowing. everywhere. and they wouldn't stop. so, the endless flow of thoughts led me to the blog. maybe if i type it will get it all out?

life's kind of funny. i feel like the (insert word i'm trying to think of here) of facebook, twitter, blogs, pinterest, etc. is turning our lives into a big show and tell. let me post all of the great things that are happening to me! ooh, something awesome happened...facebook status! it's really easy to look at other people's lives, at least according to the internet, and be unsatisfied with your own. i blog, but i don't take stunning pictures, cook delicious recipes, i am not big on going all natural and organic. i am on pinterest, but i can't do or have 88.9% of what shows up on those boards. i live, but my life seems like nothing compared to how those lives appear on those sites. how silly. but really, when it comes down to it, that's not how their lives really are. and my pages? that's not how my life really is either. on the internet it is so easy to pick and choose what is going to be shown. we sculpt our lives into whatever shape we want others to see. 

i feel like the moment that we realize life isn't perfect (nor will it ever be), then we are able to start enjoying it. when i'm not caught up in the mirage of someone else's perfect life, i let myself live mine...and be happy about it. those lives that you see? they're filtered. they're altered and carefully plucked so that all that is left is the shiny, perfect, spotless picture. there's more to it then what is there, so don't let that mirage make you unhappy about the life you live due to imperfections and challenges. and all those awesome ideas, tips, tricks, etc. that i see? inspiration is nice...sometimes. but not when i let myself slip slowly into the realization that i'm never going to do all of that.oh well. what does it all measure up to anyways? 

it seems like we walk on eggshells sometimes. we carefully tiptoe around certain areas and adjust our portfolios depending on who we want to please and why. we pull out the "i'm really brave and accomplished!" card with some people, and the "man, i'm really struggling and want you to feel sorry for me" card with the others. we're afraid of what to say and what not to say, what to wear and what not to wear, and what to post and what not to post. why? because we wonder what it will make our lives look like. we wonder what picture of us it is painting. then, when everyone is gone, and our computers are off...we're left with who we really are. are you happy with what's there? even if no one can see? 

i don't even know where i'm going with this. i haven't reached a conclusion yet. but honestly, sometimes i just want to stop walking on eggshells and do life. life that makes me happy when no one is around and i'm not posting about it. i'm just living. i'm realizing that life isn't perfect and that what i have is pretty dang great. i'm blessed, i'm thankful, i'm sometimes strange and quirky. i don't live a cookie cutter life. i don't have everything figured out. life is beautiful anyways. and i enjoy it. 

Bits of Thoughts

The In-Between
Life is funny sometimes. I've hit a stage of what I call "The In-Between." I have to finish this stage, yet my heart is preparing and longing for the next stage. It's hard to focus on this time and make the most of it when I know that the stage that looms in the distance is the stage I've been waiting for for so long. My heart is in one place, but my body is in the other. It's really hard at times. It's stretching, challenging, and sometimes downright painful.

The next stage is a little nerve-wracking, to be honest. There's a lot of unknown, which (depending on when you ask me) is a little scary and a lot of awesome at the same time. So much of me just wants to get to that next stage, just to start living it, but I can't just waste the months of "in-between" away. I'm excited, i'm stressed, i'm ready, and i'm not. But overall, I just have to trust, pray, and be patient. I need to be content with this time and make the most of it. I've been given these days as a gift, so to waste them away and not be content would be a shame.

That's what's challenging my heart lately. And that's what is taking up a lot of my time.

Also...perspective. 
I've been learning a lot about perspective lately. The thoughts spilled out above, plus other situations really have me discovering just how much of my happiness is based on perspective rather than situations. The Lord will always provide and lead when we trust him. That's with everything. Our lives. Our decisions. And even our attitudes.

Finally...a couple quips.
-Semper Gumby-->Always flexible
-Be ready to hurry up and go, be ready to hurry up and wait.

Holy cows.

So...this is ten days late. But guess what? I'm getting married. To Keagan. =)

Thoughts on my mind.

I'm not a very good blogger. As you can tell by lack of posts. Today I've had the apartment to myself, so I've just been getting a lot done and thinking. I like the quiet. It's easy to focus in and do what needs to be done in a relaxing way. This morning I listened to a church service online, made lunch, and did laundry. As morning crept into afternoon I trudged through the slush to de-iceify my car and get groceries. I kept my budget which made me happy, was forced to listen to a very awkward conversation in the check out line, and then headed home to do some homework and watch a little How I Met Your Mother. But through all of this...I just keep thinking.

In the sermon this morning, the pastor talked about how we treat church. It shouldn't be for entertainment. It's not a place we go to listen to a speaker and some music and applaud away. (Yes, there should be worship through the music and speaking...but that's a little different). It's not a place to go to "feel good." Church was designed by God as a place to equip believers to live out their faith in this world...together. We should not sit there complacent, but instead expect to go to church to be challenged. Think about it a bit. Challenge yourself.

I'm thankful for Sundays..and wise people who share the truth.