I just heard someone ask, "What's going on in the world today?" I figured I'd hear replies on, oh, I don't know, uproar about drone strikes, the sequester, something of that sort. But no. I heard, "Snooki lost 42 pounds! Oh my gawsh!" Yikes. I must admit, I'm not always 100% up to date on what's going on that's really important for our world, but when celebrity news stories take the place of something big like, I don't know...drone strikes? Hmm. Maybe they've got it right though, the more I learn about government from my political-science-graduate husband, the more it scares me. Ignorance is bliss, until a drone strikes you down.
Anyways, I'm sitting here thinking about how weird bodies are. My throat was so swollen and sore Thursday-Sunday that I could only drink the amount of water that I could force down. I normally get my 64 oz. every day (it's a bit of a priority for me), so I was really feeling thirsty due to not getting the norm. Somehow, i'm still recovering from it too. I've been guzzling all day long, all week long and still feel thirsty. Come on, body, catch up with yourself! I'm actually afraid I'm going to turn into a fish soon. That can happen, right?
Someone wise (and by that, I mean myself) once told me that blogging is about sharing what you like, documenting what you're doing, and spewing off on writing tirades whenever you feel like letting the words out. Sorry that wise person spoke, because those of you who come here looking for something interesting, sometimes get random, unorganized posts like this one. I'm always amazed by how people can take a little 5 second incident, and turn it into an entire, inspiring blog post full of life lessons. I'm not good at that, usually. With me, you just get the random paragraphs. I'm so sorry. But hey, if I don't say this enough already, this blog isn't really meant to win your admiration and approval. It's just an outlet for me, and if it happens to entertain you, win, win!
The latest thing I've been working on is becoming less structured, less withdrawn, and more focused on other people. Somewhere, somehow, I settled into this little rut- which is good sometimes, but also limits me. That rut is a rut of comfortablility. I really, really, like structure. Don't get me wrong, I like variety too, but only for a time. I like everything to be scheduled. I like everything to have a place. I like everything to be in it's place for the most part. I like planning out exactly what I am going to be doing during the day and I drive my husband crazy on Saturdays by asking, "So, are we going out tonight, or are we going to eat supper here?" And honestly, it's only 10:30 AM, so why am I wanting to know so bad what tonight's plan is?
I like taking myself out of the public eye and out of the way of criticism. That's where being withdrawn comes in. It's so much easier to just to quietly mind my own business, than avoid an awkward encounter by reaching out to a coworker and trying to be friendly. It's so much easier to keep this blog private, than have others reading and making opinions about me (but I released it to the public! hey, making strides!). It's much easier to stay home in my house and do whatever I want to do, then go out and try to make new friends.
Somewhere in the mix, I have become so structured, so withdrawn, and so...just...not fun. Where'd that old Hannah go? I'm not real sure, because she only pokes her head out every now and then. So, I'm working on that. I'm working on the complexities of that. I'm still working on fighting insecurities, as I've talked about in the past, and I think that ties right in with this process too.
But anywho, here's one way this week that I broke out of my structure and didn't regret it. Tuesday morning, I had work off and was planning on staying home, paying off a few bills, adjusting an order online, doing laundry, doing the dishes, and cleaning the bathroom. Oh, and maybe vacuuming and sorting recipes into a binder. When my husband woke up and asked me if I wanted to go with him to help him work at his brother's house, my first response was, "No way, why would I do that?" But as I laid there and thought about it, I said, "Why not?" I popped out of bed, threw on some work clothes, and said, "I'm coming!!" We spent the morning, just the two of us, ripping lathe out of a room in the house. We didn't talk a lot, we didn't accomplish anything spectacular, but we got to spend time together, doing something that he liked doing. And me? I loved it. I loved that instead of accomplishing things on my to-do list, I was spending quality time with someone I really care about. I loved that it didn't stress me out, and those things got done anyways...just later than I had "scheduled." I loved that it made my husband happy that I did something I didn't have to do, but wanted to anyways.
So there, that's your challenge. What's holding you back? Is there something you can do to bring yourself out of your shell and world of structure a little more? My suggestion is to give it a try. It's not always easy, but you'll thank yourself.
You can all get back to your celebrity news stories now. :)
-Hannah
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